GUY: So I’m thinking about using Twitter. Can you tell me what it is?
GIRL: Welcome to the twitterverse. It’s so nice to tweet you. I can tell you about Twitter.
GUY: OK. How do I get started with Twitter?
GIRL: First you get an account. It’s free. Then you tweet something.
GUY: What do you mean Tweet? I’m not a bird.
GIRL: That’s funny. It’s what we call a short message in the Twitterverse.
GUY: OK. I’m logged in. I think I’ll tweet about what I ate for breakfast this morning.
GIRL: Please don’t do that. Everyone who starts tweeting just states the obvious. Before you tweet anything start following some twitfluencers.
GUY: What’s a twitfluencer?
GIRL: Someone with influence in the Twitterverse. Like MC Hammer, Ashton Kutcher, Ellen, Oprah, Britney and other twitterati.
GUY: But I don’t like the song You Can’t Touch This, That seventies show, TV talk shows or pop stars
GIRL: Fine. If you don’t want to follow the flock, you can follow me.
GUY: OK. I’ve followed you. Now what?
GIRL: Now you will read all of my insightful thoughts about social media, follow links to my blog, and look at photos I took with my cell phone while out drinking.
GUY: But I see that you have 40 thousand followers. And you’re only following 10 people. And you haven’t followed me back.
GIRL: That’s true. I am also a twitfluencer. My followers answer all of my questions, and re-tweet everything I say. I am something of a social media guru.
GUY: Hey! What’s going on? I’ve just been followed by someone who wants to help me get more followers, another guy who wants to improve my S.E.O., and a porn star.
GIRL: Congratulations! Your twitfluence is growing! Keep on following and tweeting and someday you will be as powerful as me.
GUY: But you’re just like a blue bird tweeting in a gilded cage. Hmm. On second thought, I think I will pull this red lever and un-follow you.
GIRL: Please. Don’t pull that lever. There are sharks swimming below.
GUY: Good bye. See you in Twitter Hell.
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